…and Dalrymple gives Kashmir to India!
In a brilliant intellectual coup, William Dalrymple, the brave defender of downtrodden Indian Muslims, the upholder of civic human values, the enemy of American imperialism, and the beacon of humanity, has given Kashmir to India, once and for all!
What a relief! Even while Kashmir has never been legally an Indian territory, Dalrymple’s grace shows how many sacrifices have to be made in order to maintain world peace.
Dalrymple convincingly demonstrates how faulty the understanding of the West is and has been about Afghanistan. Spurning the naïve Huntingtonian theories of global religious conflict between Islam and the West, he shows how ethnic, local, non-religious and complex the situation about Afghanistan is.
He shows how the west has mindlessly supported the secular north in Afghanistan against the Islamic south. If we read between the lines, we get to understand that America and the West support secularism only when it is to suppress Muslims and obliterate Islam; otherwise the high ideal of secularism is beyond the capitalist mind of America.
He makes it clear that the Tajik, the Hazara and the Uzbek, living in the north are only nominally Islamic. Of course, Karzai led north-dominated nation is named an Islamic Republic of Afghanistan! Of course, they follow the Shariat, just like Muslims all over the world, but that is just a small coincidence.
He defends the voice of the majority of the Afghans, which is the voice of the Pashtuns, which is the voice of the Taliban. Hence, the Taliban is the voice of the Afghans, the true voice of democracy! (That enemy of the people, that old-fashioned ‘writer’, Khaled Hosseini, portrayed the Taliban all in negative light! Well, why wouldn’t he? American agent!)
No wonder that America would try to eliminate the Taliban, install a puppet regime in Kabul and destroy the only hope of the people of Afghanistan!
One would foolishly say that the Pashtuns are only 42% of the Afghan population and the Tajiks, the Hazaras and the Uzbeks together constitute nearly 45%. So how do the Pashtuns constitute the majority? But does one care for these petty facts, when the very ideals of humanity are at stake? Such naiveté!
And do we hear a murmur that while Dalrymple calls for majority favoring decision in Afghanistan, he never supports the Hindu majority in India? Such preposterous idea! Such impertinence! How can the two situations be compared? The Hindus are a frightful majority of 84% in India, bent upon the ethnic cleansing of the innocent Muslim minority. It is due to the Brahmanic scheming of the Hindus that the Indian Muslims are still poor, uneducated and politically weak; and now they are pushing for the ‘final solution’! No less!
And they are constantly abetted by that Caribbean writer. What’s his name? Yes! Naipaul! What does that arrogant little snob think he can do? Just because he can write a few good lines, does not mean that he knows anything. What screwed sense of history he has! Just because a biased Swedish Academy awarded him Nobel, doesn’t mean he is good.
No one who has ever seen a rally of RSS can venture to suggest that the Indian Muslims are safe. Have you seen those lethal lathis of RSS? Have you not noticed that comfortably dressed in knickers, they are an army on edge? Are the Taliban freedom fighters, armed with cheap, rusty Kalashnikovs even a remote match for the formidable army of the lathi-wielding knickerwallahs?
Though the global Muslim community tries to help the noble cause of the Taliban with their hard-earned meager money, it is no match for the centuries of wealth hoarded by the devious Banias. Coupled with American money, the Hindus are undefeatable! It does not matter that they have not yet carried a big massacre of Muslims. It is sure that they will, if given free hand.
It is because of Dalrymple’s commitment to secularism and global peace that he visits India, risking the violent VHP mobs. This time he guided quite a lot of youth away from RSS and VHP in the Jaipur Literature Festival. It’s only that most of them flocked to Ayaan Hirsi Ali! That abomination of a woman! If only she were a little less gorgeous, the world would know the truth about her: she is on the payroll of America and is plotting for the final solution of the marginalized Dutch Muslims. And did one see that Ferguson boy sucking up to her like that? What has the world come to!
To go into a little history, the Hindus are bound to be violent until they keep following some basic precepts of Hinduism. Hindu deities are violent and vengeful. Until they become entirely modern, they will continue to be a threat to world peace.
On the other hand, the Taliban and Al-Qaeda are gravely misunderstood. They believe in the religion of peace, Islam! The only possession they have is the adorable Kalashnikov! They should be provided with computers and TVs! (Somebody send Sachin Pilot to Afghanistan!)
It is immature to say that the Taliban carry out suicide bombings. First of all, most of these events just do not happen! They are faked by the CIA and the Islamophobic world just buys their lies. America could orchestrate 9/11. Why wouldn’t it be able to organize a few suicide bombings in Israel, a few beheadings in Iraq and a few stonings-to-death in Afghanistan? Even if sometimes, the moderate Muslim gets enraged and blows up the brains of a few Americans and Israelis, it is due to the constant injustices done to him by the American imperialists. Should we even pay attention to such incidents?
So why would Dalrymple support the majority Hindus, and why wouldn’t he support the Taliban?
He also warns the world against the devious designs of India in Afghanistan. Though, he contains himself by saying that Indian presence is minimal. Minimal! Don’t they know what a few political Hindus could do to an entire nation?
At last he proposes the noble solution! India will stop all its machinations in Afghanistan and Pakistan will leave its legitimate demands on Indian Kashmir. That way Indian greed will be satisfied. Of course, it will be a great sacrifice for Pakistan and the Muslim people, but that is how humanity is nurtured! By the blood of the downtrodden!
And he cares to mention the Kashmiris as a separate people along with the Afghans, the Pakistanis and the Indians. How honest! At last, the Kashmiris get national status, even if only on paper!
Some heartless military theorist would try to give Dalrymple some ‘knowledge’ of war strategy, whipping out Clausewitz’s theory of war. But when will they understand that what the world needs is not a Clausewitz and a Lord Montgomery, but a Rahul Gandhi and an Amartya Sen! A Dalrymple! (At this point, the author of this article had an emotional breakdown and could write no further. Keeping in view his secular sympathies, the reader is expected to forgive him for this lapse and the consequent abrupt ending.)